on songs that shine.
Shining brightly
Between us
That our steps slow down
In the dawn
Oh
It's a love
That I've never seen anywhere else
We descended like rain
We were beautiful like light
Someday
When we meet again
On that day
Hold me tight
The moment I saw your eyes
I knew
That we, shining beautifully
Will be eternal
Your eyebrow shines like “shinedrop”
Still, don’t wake up
I’ll make you a warm mug of coffee
Right here, it’s heaven
Girl, you make my life better
Just you and me, like this
Just like that first day
I'm happy whenever I see you
Even my heart has forgotten to be nervous
I'm so excited, I'm like popcorn
My heart becomes sweeter every day
It feels like popcorn
With your sweet words
My heart flutters as if it's about to explode like a popcorn
ending with a happier song this time around. and also a little cheat because this came out just 3 days ago and my newsletter is once again, late.
on the wonders of music, repeatedly.
i wasn’t a fan of k-pop until a very un-kpop song got me into it. that was more than a decade ago now, i think. i’ve been through my list of groups — from BIGBANG, to giving up k-pop for a bit until the pandemic slapped me into reality again, to embracing the beauty of SHINee a little too late, to finding the quirkiest and honestly the strangest PENTAGON, to now laughing my eyebrows off watching Going SEVENTEEN and then crying to Smile Flower after, because why not?
music has always been a muse. it doesn’t take k-pop to decipher that.
but it does take k-pop to bring me deep into the wonders of story, music, performance, and the whole shebang.
call it what you want, the k-pop industry is most definitely a manufactured one, where a group of good-looking and talented strangers are put together in hopes of a multi-billion global success. way too many parties are constantly working their hardest to keep one group together at the top. it’s cutthroat. it’s competitive. it’s made-up. (heck, there are k-pop groups with myths, lores, and their own multiverses)
but we buy into it anyways. whatever semblance of reality and authenticity, we buy into it. and i’m happy to say too, that in 2024, a lot more of k-pop looks more and more realistic than they did ten years ago.
the point is—
i could write an entire thesis on k-pop. but the simplicity of it is that it brings so much to my heart. joy. sorrow. togetherness. encouragement. hope. empathy. worry. and it is exactly why i stay every time.
my latest obsession is none other than the 13-person group, SEVENTEEN (13 members + 3 subunits + 1 team = 17. yes k-pop math). and they’ve just released a compilation album of nearly 10 years’ worth of discography with four new songs. i’m thoroughly amazed, thankful, but mostly i am feeling quite moved because for the first time since getting into them last year, i actually like all of the new songs.
genuinely.
MAESTRO that begs the question of who will be the real maestro at the end, humans or AI; hip-hop unit’s LALALI that sounds like a bunch of teenagers nonchalantly living their lives; performance unit’s Spell that speaks a language of its own (literally, there’s a line that is totally gibberish), and vocal unit’s Cheers To Youth that utterly destroys me every time i hear it.
i can wholeheartedly recommend this entire album. bangers only.
on unexpected bleeding.
and by bleeding i mean period. long story short i was diagnosed with this thing called adenomyosis about 3 years ago and it basically just means i puke a lot (think 8-10 times for a whole day) and get dizzy then nauseated (then puke) from basically any kind of movement. it’s just period but make it extra bad.
my doctor asked me to be on birth control for the last month and for some reason i just never guessed that by regulating my hormones, the pills would also be regulating my periods — meaning they would come regularly for once (my periods are often late for 1-2 weeks) and they would come on the 7-day pill break, generally.
so that happened.
which explains why this newsletter is l a t e.
although i am very happy to let you know that the symptoms are a lot more subsided this time around! very minimal puking, cramps, and everything really! i’m hoping this will keep up (‘: still wasn’t energetic enough to be a functioning human being so i took to the bedrest anyways, but i am definitely very glad that i was not throwing up with 30-min intervals this time around.
it’s exhausting.
but i’m slowly and very surely getting better and recovering from yet another round of period once again! which always gives me a lot of excitement and positivity somehow because i’m always so so so thankful for the way my body carries me through every month like this.
i come out every time, in absolute wonder and—
on beaming with hope.
hope.
yesterday (Friday) i texted my friend this video saying “sometimes it rly baffles me that art is just putting a bunch of stuff that dont and shouldnt make sense on its own but when everything is together it makes ART and to think its all just some marks or letters on a paper or canvas” and that made me feel super super super hopeful.
what are artists but mark-makers?
what are writers but letter-stringer-uppers?
what are musicians but notes-and-rhythms-put-togetherers?
i love art not because of the wonder that people are able to create something from nothing. i don’t believe in that, because everything we make must come from something. i love art precisely because it comes from something. somewhere. someone. that your marks have a story, an age to it, whether you know it or not. that it is not original as much as it is — it isn’t because it came from somewhere else, and it is because the “else” went through you and only you.
on meeting beautiful people.
last Saturday i dropped by Mossery’s Second Chance Sale to say hi to my ex-boss and now-lifelong-friend. when i finally saw him, he was talking to another person and spotted me in the corner of his eye, then promptly said to the person he’s been meaning to introduce us!
the person i had the joy and pleasure to meet was Gaia, or better known as Poetry in Motion. i don’t meet many writers (i want to but i think a part of me is probably also scared because i’d start comparing), but speaking to Gaia was easy and awkward and mostly a little unguarded. we talked about making people cry with our works, planning for future works, and what our writing processes were like. (i did not know how to answer the last one, what exactly is my process???)
it was delightful because i think we both approached the conversation with similar gentleness and awkwardness in the sense that we were willing to peel open some layers and hide the rest. at least, i felt that way.
i remember walking away thinking that this was a beautiful person. not just someone with a nice smile and face, but someone who was glowing and gleaming from within his words and gestures.
and that was very nice.
then, on Sunday, i headed over to Lit Books to meet Nini, a Malaysian illustrator now based in Romania but is back for a while to promote the book she had most recently illustrated: Dear Brother.
i’ve adored Nini’s illustrations and animations from afar for a bit now. (stalk? mayhaps?) but most of the time i enjoy seeing her dance with her cat Ooshi, as well as share about animation stuff she’s been reading up on or watching. the world of animation is deliciously complex to the point that it makes me feel quite like nothing, but she manages to show it in a way that’s super enjoyable and educational.
while i was at Lit Books for her book signing, i sat and spoke to her (and held up the book signing line!!!! i’m sorry) and she spoke back with a beaming curiosity and authenticity that i was happily surprised to reciprocate. we’d been talking online for some weeks(? months?) now so it’s always a strange sensation to speak in person like that. it was very pleasant.
(please don’t question me on why the two pictures i have of “meeting people” are not of the actual people i met. i’m not a please-take-a-photo-with-me kind of person but i do think i should and i can but i wasn’t so i didn’t.)
on the big things.
last Sunday i got to witness two dear friends seal a lifelong promise. from the fumbling of “IS IT THE RIGHT HAND? THE RIGHT FINGER? dude i Googled everything right before this just to make sure” by him and the utter shock on her face when all of us jumped out in our sweaty goodness.
i’m so thankful i got to be a part of this. what a beautiful thing to have been a part of, but i think i’m more proud to say that i’ve also been through parts of this relationship with them too. instead of just being really happy of this single moment. i thought about all the many moments i know and didn’t know that added up to this. it’s been such a long time coming, you guys.
here’s to nic and amanda.
and to this exact moment when i realised what nic was asking of me a week prior to The Plan:
on the little things.
i just wanted to show you this picture of the moon that i adore. just look how it shined like a massive star!
till next week. (sooner than later, i hope)
hi love your substack so much pls don’t ever die ♥️